Fifty Shades of Grey : My thoughts.

People who adore this book may not wish to read this post as I'm about to tear it to shreds.

So, I received this book for my birthday. It wins the accolade of the worst book I've ever read, and I've read a lot of books. I know it's fiction but it's far too far fetched for my liking. I do not know why it's described as 'liberating' and 'romantic' I find it anything but those things. I do not see what all the fuss is about and I want to cry with rage and sadness that it's the biggest selling paperback of all time. 


I'm not going to mention any positive points on this book because I fail to see any. If you have any, please enlighten me.


Now I'm going to share with you why I think this book deserves the accolade of the worst ever book. 


1. Ana Steele is a 21 year old lady just finishing her degree and EL James paints her as this naive innocent young lady who has never felt any sexual desire, and before she met Christian Grey had never been kissed. She's never even been drunk before. Please. This is ridiculous. How can you reach 21 years old and not know the pangs of sexual desire? It makes no sense and the reader is supposed to believe she can from never been virgin to BDSM in a matter of weeks. Sorry, no.


2. The issues of the sub-conscious and her inner goddess. I think this is the thing I despise most about this book. It's so tedious and repetitive. Also the sub-conscious thing really grinds my gears as technically you're not consciously aware of your subconscious so EL James has got it all wrong! and as for her inner goddess it just grates on me. There are better ways to develop the main characters this approach is boring, inaccurate and plain lazy.


3. I hate Christian Grey. He's a fucking weirdo and Ana should run away. He's a stalker. He turns up unannounced at her workplace. He tracks her down using her mobile at a nightclub to rescue her from Jose after she gets drunk (yawn). He gets mad when Ana decides to go visit her Mum and Ana forgets to tell Christian, and then follows her out to Georgia. He buys her a new laptop, a phone (he needs to get hold of her at all times!) and a car. He's trying to coerce her into a type of relationship she clearly does not want. This kind of behaviour is controlling and could be potentially abusive. It would make me run for the hills. Presumably cause Ana is naive she does not see it this way, or she just wants him for his money, I dunno. This makes me wonder how this book is described as a romantic novel as I don't see it that way. He clearly does not respect Ana and this is my idea of relationship hell


4. The sex is so far fetched. Ana can orgasm at the click of a finger apparently. This does not happen in real life ever. Seemingly Ana gets turned on by everything Christian does and anything he does to her gives her an orgasm. I'm sorry, but without wanting to get too personal this does not happen in real life, especially if you're as inexperienced as Ana. I'd have a lot more respect for EL James if she'd have portrayed a more three-dimensional and realistic journey to sexual fulfilment. Unless of course Ana is actually super-human and can orgasm at the drop of a hat, if so, lucky her! 


5. E L James is incapable of writing vagina. I hate the way she calls Ana's VAGINA the sex, or refers to it as there. Please. If Ana is incapable of calling her vagina a vagina then she's not mature enough to have sex. Simple.


6. I hate Christian's fucking grey trousers, that hang off the hips in that way. What way, E L James?! This crops up too many times in the book and is boring and yet more proof the author is a lazy writer. 


7. I have no respect for Ana Steele. Throughout this book she questions whether or not she wants to embark on a BDSM relationship with Christian. The fact she's questioning it so many times suggests not. The stupid fool probably naively thinks she can change him. Have more self respect for yourself!! Also Christian shouldn't be pressurising her into it by buying her stuff and making her feel obliged to do this BDSM. This is why I'm confused as to why this makes this novel liberating and romantic. It's the compete fucking opposite. Jeez.


8. Literally nothing happens in this book. It doesn't. Her & Christian have sex a few times. That's it. 


I could rant all day about how much I hate this book. It's an insult to books and should never have been published. Needless to say, I can't be arsed reading the rest of the trilogy, because frankly, I don't hate myself.